Boyfriend loses control and puts me down when angry- is this normal?

God..This sounds like mental abuse. Abuse can take other forms besides physical. Relationships are not easy and it sounds like you may still love him. You should consider some kind of counseling. I've been there...when the bad moments out weigh the good...then it was time for me to leave. I know there maybe plenty of blame to go around, but all in all it doesn't matter who's fault it is. What matters first is that this is hurting you. A friend use to ask me "How long are you gonna hold on to that hot pot?". If it starts burning and hurting long enough you will. Good Luck!!!