Am I a ?

I feel really stupid for asking this, but I need some help. When I was 9 I found myself looking at girls and I was really upset because I went to a private school at the time and I thought gay people were wrong. Anywhoo, I liked a few boys in middle school, but around the time I was 12, I found a lot of older gay/bi friends. I wouldn't kiss any of them because I didn't want people to think I was gay. But one day I figured I did kinda like girls and I considered myself biual but I didn't tell anyone. But when I got into high school, I got the biggest crush ever on this one girl. But I think maybe I'm not really gay because I prefer butch women which I think I might be thinking of them as men. But when I look at a guy, I think hes attractive, but for wanting to like have with him, I think it's kinda gross, but I could definitely see myself having with a girl. I've been identifying as a for a year or so and I have liked girls emotionally and physically. So am I gay?