Anything ull say will help..plz i need u (crying)?

you are very confused with your emotions, and I think it may have something to do with your past. You said that when you were little, your mother was very strict, and your father was always away. This experience may have stood supressed within you throughout most of your life. Now that you're 19, the feelings you have had from it may be finally coming out on other people. However, when you state that sometimes you are so cheerful and happy, and other times are depressed, then this could be a sign of bipolar disorder. Bipolar people go through extreme ups and downs with their emotions, and it could happen at any time, and they don't even know why. Some people (such as yourself) can be completely happy one minute, and the next are extremely depressed and suicidal. I do believe in mental illness, and there is nothing wrong with it. If your mother doesn't believe in it, you must sit down and talk to her, and say that you sincerely believe that you are mentally unhealthy. You need her support, and she needs to support you, and help you in any way that she can. If she does not want to help, then I suggest you see a teacher privately or your counselor privately in school and tell them about it. If you do not want any of your peers to know about it, tell your counselor or teacher not to mention anything about it to anyone else, and tell them if there is some way they can help you. Sometimes schools have psychologists that help the students deal with problems. Also, when you see your friends, if you act strange with too much depression or happiness around them, tell them how you are feeling. And that sometimes if you act like your mad at them or hate them, it doesn't mean that you really do, but it relates rather to the situation and your feelings in your life right now. They should understand and excuse your behavior when this happens, and if they don't, then honestly, they are not real friends. I was going through a time in my life when I had anxiety, and believe me, some of my friends didn't understand, but the majority of them did. Those that didn't no longer mattered to me. What mattered to me were the people who supported me. Also, if nothing helps, you must tell your parents, or your counselor at school that you may have to seek treatment, like therapy. Therapy is a good technique, because you get to talk about your problems to people who will listen, and get all of your emotions out. They recommend things you can do or actions that you can take, and try to understand what may be causing your depression or extreme happiness. Also, you must try to believe in yourself, that no matter how you are feeling, or no matter how long you have had this, that you are going to get better. You must always keep this state of mind as much as possible, because nothing will work if you think it won't. With help, and with your own inner power, you can change your cirumstances dramatically.